To pursue happiness, one must find what happiness is or what indulgences produce it. We mere mortals have but one attempt to find happiness. Maybe hundreds of days. But who knows? Every day is your one attempt at happiness because you don’t know if you’ll have tomorrow. Yet the final manuscripts of our lives have engaged with more what if’s, wants, wishes, and worries than moments actually…
She called me over. She called me over to talk. But she didn’t want to talk. We just sat outside in the frosted grass. I could hear the crackle as she puffed on her cigarette. We just sat. And I listened. I listened to her smoke.
Every photographer knows that feeling; the feeling right before they’re about to click that shutter down and capture a photo. You hold your breath for a short moment. Then… click. When everything is simultaneously advancing further into time, it can be difficult to catch a break. But they anticipate that moment to stop breathing, that moment to stop time, to rest the pace. Almost nothing sleeps,…
My skin is callus.
He knew this and chose to cut through it.
I don’t think he had a purpose. I think I was a project.
One of those donated bodies they used in med school.
To pick apart and dissect. To study disease.
To see if the future could change for someone else.
This was different.
He needed a live body.
Blood pumping through the veins.
Thoughts racing maybe rotting the brain.
I wouldn’t…
It was odd;
An odd feeling.
He wasn’t predictable like the others-
Maybe he was but not to me.
He was definitely unlike the rest.
I wanted to know him
and not just know him but…
Memorize his being.
It’d take a lifetime…
and I’m not promising that I want a lifetime.
Not even for myself.
But for now, I wouldn’t mind it at all.
I don’t like feeling that I need someone.
I don’t need people in my life.
You know those romance films…
The ones where they feel lost and empty?
Lost and empty without their other half?
I’d much rather feel lost and empty by myself.
I don’t want to need someone.
I don’t like the thought of needing someone else
Because I have myself.